Workshop Living Zen 8/9 oktober.
10/8_10/9生活禪group
The moment i enter the space in Gulpen my worries flow from me. The music starts and it is easy to go into. To keep just with myself and go into the dance. Enjoy. Then we turn our hips. Simple excersise with so much impact. After ten years of groups i find out that still i have no awareness in the excersise. Sandesh stretch my leg and then i feel that i usually make a small change in the excersise to avoid my pain. If i do not make that adjustment and move through the pain i suddenly feel my hara as a bouncing energy heart.
在我走進Gulpen 的場地時，我的擔心隨之而來。音樂響起，進入音樂是容易的。 我保持和自己在一起，進入舞蹈。開心。然後搖屁股，簡單的練習帶來更多的效果。參加了十年的group後，我發現我在這個練習中一直不覺知。Sandesh拉我的腿，然後我感覺我通常在這個練習中做了一個小變動以逃開那個疼痛。我沒有再重複這個逃開的動作，穿越疼痛搖過去，我突然感覺到我的hara是一個在彈跳的能量心臟一般。
We turn back to back and my body becomes more open, softer around the hips and the hara. I do it with Sandesh and afterwards i am disoriented. My body moves so different from before that my mind does not recognize it. It feels like a fresh born baby what i need to take care and slowly i have my orentation back. My walking has been changed.
我們背對背搖，我的身體變得更開放，屁股和丹田附近更柔軟些。我和sandesh一起做，然後我感覺迷失了方向。我的身體移動得和以前非常不同，以至於我的頭腦不認識它啦。就像一個新生的嬰兒需要我去照顧，慢慢地我的方向感回來，我走路的姿勢已經變了。
Mandala running flows. It always surprise me that i can do it. In normal life i cannot run 100 meter but in the group i use my body and energy different. Still my fear comes back for my disease.
Mandala開始。我可以做mandala，這一直讓我很驚訝。在日常生活中我不能跑100米，但是在group中我可以以不同的方式使用我的身體和能量。因為我的病我的恐懼一直回來。
Sitting in silence first is in a nothingness and then the light start hitting my brain and i get a strong headache. I easily get headache when i sit in silence and the light is strong.
靜坐，第一次感到是在無物中，然後光開始敲擊我的頭腦，並且我頭痛的很厲害，當我靜坐時，很容易頭痛，光很強。
In Kundalini shaking the headache comes up again and i just want to stop. My body works together in this wish. I need to toilet and have water shit. Going back to the group i feel stronger and join again in kundalini. I experience a trip into excistence, with energy balls everywhere. My mind catch me with daily things and worries. Old pains come up, old fights, old disappointments and the feeling of the miracle disappears again in the background. I keep track with my mind. Meditation feels as to keep track with the miracle the whole day. To let these energies excite you and slowly they will throw down your excitement with all your mind worries.
抖動，頭痛又來了，我想停下來。我的身體配合了這個想法。我需要去洗手間水瀉。回到group，頭痛更厲害，再次開始做K。我經驗到進入存在之旅，到處都是能量球。我的頭腦用日常的事物和擔心抓著我。過去的疼痛上來，過去的對抗，失望，奇跡的感覺再次消失在背景裡。我一直跟隨著我的頭腦，靜心感覺就像一整天和奇跡跟隨。讓這些能量使我興奮，慢慢地，這些能量就會把你頭腦裡的興奮和擔心扔出去。
We go over to body work. I find Pia as a partner to work with. I work on her and i enjoy to do it. My fingers are getting more sensitive to feel the points where she has blocks or pain. By pushing on them i can release that pain. To work on her head i feel her enjoyment and relaxation. Next she starts to work on me and it is painfull but i can accept. I do not blame it on her and can flow into the pain. Tears are in my eyes from pain.
回到body work。我找了pia做夥伴。我給她做調整，我喜歡這樣做。我的手指變得更敏感去感覺她卡住的點和疼痛的地方。通過推動那些痛的地方，我可以釋放那個疼痛。按摩她的頭部，我感覺到她的開心和放鬆。接下來她開始給我做調整，很痛但我可以接受。我沒有怪她，而是進入這個疼痛。因為痛眼睛裡滿含淚水。
In Kundalini i feel my new body. Again i experience a trip into excistense. All energy balls, darkness, stars. My hara i can keep inside. Dancing comes natural, sitting is easily, lying down is heaven.
When the group finished i can keep strong in my energy. I am very happy to see Daoke and Misha. Easily speak to my daddy.
做K，我感覺我的新身體。又一次我經驗到進入存在之旅。所有的能量球，黑暗，星星，我可以保持在我的丹田。舞蹈自然到來，輕鬆地坐著，躺著就像在天堂。
當group結束時，我可以強烈地保持在我的能量裡。我很開心看到daoke和misha，和父親交談很輕鬆。
Sunday 9 oktober
星期日 10月9日
Dancing brings me again in meditation and focus to myself. Last night i got out of focus. Worries about others and the wish to find solutions kept me out of sleep. It is a habit of mine to feel others problems so strong that they worry me more then the problems worries them. In dancing i can again connect with myself.
舞蹈帶著我再次進入靜心，並專注於自己。昨晚我離開了中心。擔心別人，想要找到方法讓我不要睡著。這是我的慣性，感覺別人的問題如此強烈以至於他們擔心我而超過困擾他們的問題本身。在舞蹈中我再次和自己連接。
After dancing turning hips. Then do it together. I can feel more benefit when i take somebody on my back then when i ly on somebodies back. After doing everybody i can feel my hara gets more inside and i am standing straight. The moment I ly on somebodies back i feel uncomfortable and when i get of i will be dizzy.
跳舞之後搖屁股。然後是互相搖。我感覺當我背別人比我被別人背在背上，感覺更有效。做了以後，我可以感覺每個人，小腹收得更緊，站得更直。我被別人背在背上，我感覺丹田不舒服，當我下來時我感到頭暈。
Sandesh lets us bring balance on the inside of our feet, standing on the first three toes. We bring our body up on the first three toes and let it fall down. The excersise helps me to feel my hara again. Because i was leaning always on the outside of my foot i could not feel the vibrations in my neck when i fall on my heel. Now i can. After this excersise i feel my body strongly changed again. I enjoy testing how i walk with this new body. It is a relaxed walking.
Sandesh讓我們在腳的內側上保持平衡，站在前三個腳趾上。我們把身體放在前三個腳趾上，讓它倒。這個練習幫我再次感覺我的丹田。因為我一直在學習在腳的外側保持平衡，所以當我倒向我的腳後跟時，我無法在我的脖子那裡感覺振動。現在我可以感覺到。在這個練習後，我感覺我的身體又一次強烈地變化了。我喜歡測試如何讓我的新的身體走路。這是一種放鬆的行走。
Kundalini shaking is different now. The shaking goes through my inside legs through my hara.
We give therapy to each other. Sandesh let us self find the point to push and i like it. To search with my fingers on Pia's body where she have knots with tension and then release it by pushing on the tension.
K的抖動現在不同了。這個抖動穿越我的腿的內側經過我的丹田。我們彼此治療，sandesh讓我們自己去找卡住的地方，去推動它，我喜歡這樣做。用我的手指在pia的身體上尋找那些緊張的點，然後動那個卡住的地方釋放它。
Gibberish after lunch. I can keep to myself. What others do does not affect me, i can just keep gibbersch and keep straight in it. Tears come and i recognize the thought behind the tears. The crying stops. Yarning comes and i recognize the tiredness what just falls on me when i do not accept things and feel in prisonment of the situation. The yarning just stops and the gibberish brings me through all these mindsetting like i sit on a horse. Gibberish is the friend to open all the blocks and walk me over the road. Silence falls.
午餐後亂語。我可以保持和自己在一起。其他人不會影響我，我只是在亂語，並保持一起在裡面。眼淚出來並且我覺知到眼淚背後的想法，哭泣停止。打哈欠出來，我意識到當我不能接受某些事情，感覺被困于現狀時哈欠就會出來。哈欠停止，亂語帶著我就像騎著馬穿越頭腦的種種 。亂語是針對所有頭腦卡住的點，帶我走過一條路。平靜降臨。
I hate you. A strong resistance appears to do this excersise. But the excersise Gibberish helps me to just keep doing it as an excersise. I move with my body and free from judgement about the choise of excersise i can feel the power coming into me to just do it. It is a strong excersise and i can go into the fight. Not only expressing my hate but also coming up for myself. The love excersise after the I hate you is very soft and deep.
我恨你。做這個練習時一種強烈的抗拒出來。但是亂語的練習幫助我只是去做。我移動我的身體，放下頭腦中對這個練習的判斷，我可以感覺到能量進入我，只是做。這是個強有力的練習，我可以進入戰鬥。不僅表達了我的憎恨而且我自己也在提升。我恨你之後的我愛你是非常柔軟和深入的。
In love myself i search for Mira. I call her, i wish to find her. I tell her I love her. I lose track sometimes and forget her and need to really keep my mind on it not to overtake others name. I listen Sandesh calling me, I listen Pia having a same problem and calling for Pira. I relax and laugh about myself. A giggling falls over me. A giggling together with Mira.
在愛自己的環節裡，我尋找mira，我叫她，我想找到她。我告訴她我愛她。我有時和她失去連接，忘記她，真的需要提醒自己不要叫成其他的名字。我聽到sandesh叫我，我聽到pia有同樣的問題，在叫pia。我放鬆下來，笑自己，一種咯咯的傻笑降臨，和mira在一起的傻笑。
Kundalini time: It is like excitement about the energy of I hate you and I love you blow some into my mind. First I cannot realy go into shaking. Then relaxation comes and the shaking takes over. Unawareness keeps. At the end i fall asleep. A deep sleep with a new body.
K時間：興奮，像是我愛你，我恨你的能量吹進了我的頭腦。開始我不能真正進入抖動。然後放鬆來臨，抖動發生。不覺知繼續，最後我睡著了，一個深入的睡眠進入新的身體
Namaste, feels natural, to connect feels natural.
Namaste, 感覺自然，連接感覺自然。
With Love
Mira
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